I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
