Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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