We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
