I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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