She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
why is half of my head shaved?
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