I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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