you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
