the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
