I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
