I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
