good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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