...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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