Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize