why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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