Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize