I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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