Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
