I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
