Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
