oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
