Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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