my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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