he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
