I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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