so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
