definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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