I bet he comes in French.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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