The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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