used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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