I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
