Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
