Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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