Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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