People with herpes should wear stickers.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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