Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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