Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize