Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
