How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
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no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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