so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
