I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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