Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
