I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
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if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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