guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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