I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
