please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
