Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...