im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize