So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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