Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
