The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
