I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
